(About a rugged NZ farmer who didn't suffer fools
gladly. I bit of a character, or as we say down there,
"a bit of a dag". You will see the word "Hemara". This
is a Maori surname and whenever Splitting Post encountered
this person he would gruffly greet him with "Hemara".)

Try putting this to the tune from Ernie - He drove the fastest
milkcart in the west.


I'm about to tell you a story, concerning a man of strength,
He could raise his axe up high, and split a post of length!
Built solid, like a kauri stump, shoulders broader than most,
Aptly dubbed, long ago, with the name of "Splitting Post"!

Now, one day when he was splitting posts, his axe poised way up high,
The cattle dog came charging through and jumped up on his thigh!
He dropped the axe upon his foot, leapt high up to the sky,
Roaring at the hapless dog, "Do it again, you'll die"!

When he wasn't splitting posts, the cows were being milked,
But he never did the job himself, until a shed was built!
His dearly beloved wife, with her buckets came,
And milked them all, by hand of course, because the cows were tame.

This man called "Splitting Post", reknowned throughout the land,
Fixed anything, and everything, including the garbage can.
He raised himself a family, taught them the skills he had,
And left them wondering, how on earth, "Splitting Post" was their Dad!

Ask him a silly question, you'll certainly get a result!
From muttering under his breath, to a well construed insult!
He can't be bothered with idiots, or lazy, incompetent fools,
And don't get caught if you help yourself to one of his many tools!

Approaching with a greeting, "Hemara" the gruff man said,
This was his usual manner, and certainly nothing he'd read!
He worked hard all of his life, not a lazy bone had he,
Splitting posts and raising stock, "nothing in life comes free".

And now our old friend "Splitting Post, has retired from the life he led,
He dreams of how things were, and the day that he built the shed!
Next time you see our "Splitting Post", give him the time of day,
Ask a loaded question, and let him have his say.

Shizara 1997