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Stay at home days.
Silly jokes to brighten your day.
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Stay at home days.
Last edited by margaret; 24-03-2020 at 07:15 AM.
“I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.”
- Lord Byron.
When I was baptised, the vicar wore a fake moustache...
It was a blessing in disguise!
Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.
Patient: Doctor, my head's turning into a strawberry.
Doctor: Here's some cream to put on it.
“I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.”
- Lord Byron.
Why did J. S. Bach have so many children?
He had no stops on his organ.
“I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.”
- Lord Byron.
I've just started a book about anti-gravity...
I can't put it down!
Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.
What is blue and goes ... Ding dong!
The Avon lady in the North Pole.
Cool
"Dad, can you put my shoes on?"
"No, I don't think they'll fit me."
Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates.
Cool
I hope nothing goes wrong with government plans because I'm banking on pubs re-opening on July 4th.
Inn dependence day.
Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.
Swimming pools will reopen on the 4th of July....
Due to continuing social distancing rules there will be no water in lanes 1, 3 and 5.
Cool
I've been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately.
The most common one seems to be: "You said you'd be home from the pub three bl**dy hours ago!"
Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.
My car broke down so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine.
He said “Hello Sir, you are a handsome man and very nicely dressed too".
I could see the problem...
Bat flattery.
Cool
I've got summer teeth...
Summer there, summer missing!
Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.
Frazer:
Captain Mainwaring. Did, did ye ever hear the story of the old, empty barn?
Mainwaring:
No.
Frazer:
Would you like to hear the story of the old, empty barn?
Mainwaring:
Um. Yes, yes, ehh yes, it might put us in a good mood before we go to sleep. Pay attention everybody. Private Frazer is going to tell us the story of the old empty barn. Carry on Frazer.
Frazer:
Right. The story of the old, empty barn. Well. There was nothing in it.
“I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.”
- Lord Byron.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.
“I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.”
- Lord Byron.
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