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  1. #1
    Pillar of the Community margaret's Avatar
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    Default Keep me in your thoughts please.

    Blech!, help, I have to try very hard on Thursday to keep my chin up and keep things cordial, happy families and all that.
    The reason is, I am meeting my daughter tomorrow she is visiting from Kent, with her dad on tow , my ex, I divorced him 25 years ago and never spoken to him since, so he will be like a total stranger to me. But for my dear daughters sake I will keep it upbeat and happy. Try to rise above any derision and crap that happened in the long distant past. I will just have to be a very good actress.
    Last edited by margaret; 25-09-2019 at 04:54 AM.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator rebbonk's Avatar
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    I fully understand Margaret, my situation is not too dissimilar. I haven't spoken to my ex-wife for about 30 years. Unfortunately, she has turned into an alcoholic and is currently causing our children a lot of grief/anguish.

    You'll be OK, you're a strong lady.
    Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.

  3. #3
    Pillar of the Community margaret's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rebbonk View Post
    I fully understand Margaret, my situation is not too dissimilar. I haven't spoken to my ex-wife for about 30 years. Unfortunately, she has turned into an alcoholic and is currently causing our children a lot of grief/anguish.

    You'll be OK, you're a strong lady.

    Thanks Rebbonk, I don't particularly want to speak to him, but I will make the effort. Its funny how my son used to say my ex and I were like chalk and cheese, and it did become like that. He did marry again, but that all ended in a nasty divorce also. So I do wonder if he has changed the errors his ways. He now has a lady friend but I don't think he will be marrying again. Divorce is messy and expensive.
    Last edited by margaret; 25-09-2019 at 05:01 PM.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator rebbonk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by margaret View Post
    Divorce is messy and expensive.
    Tell me about it! Cost me over 3k in legal fees 30 years ago, plus I lost my house and got saddled with her debts.

    My ex has had a string of 'gentlemen' over the years, but none stay the course. This is despite her telling everyone that I broke the marriage up by having affairs. - I wasn't and have been with my present partner ever since my divorce.

    The last but one time I spoke to my ex, we'd just had the decree absolute, and realising she'd dropped a clanger she suggested that we should 'try again' for the kid's sake! My second word was 'off!'
    Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.

  5. #5
    Pillar of the Community margaret's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rebbonk View Post
    Tell me about it! Cost me over 3k in legal fees 30 years ago, plus I lost my house and got saddled with her debts.

    My ex has had a string of 'gentlemen' over the years, but none stay the course. This is despite her telling everyone that I broke the marriage up by having affairs. - I wasn't and have been with my present partner ever since my divorce.

    The last but one time I spoke to my ex, we'd just had the decree absolute, and realising she'd dropped a clanger she suggested that we should 'try again' for the kid's sake! My second word was 'off!'

    Yes, a bit like me Rebbonk, I had to make a quick exit. Though we tried to reconcile but it didn't work, so I made the best decision I ever made and got out, the feeling of oppression gone, freedom felt so great. I married a solicitor and he helped me with the divorce , letters, etc.. didn't cost me a bean.

    I realise it is a risk just upticks and leaving , but it all worked out in the end for me.
    It takes two to make a marriage work, but I didn't have anymore feelings. So I guess I changed.
    Last edited by margaret; 25-09-2019 at 05:21 PM.

  6. #6
    Administrator Lex's Avatar
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    Hope it isn't too much of a stressful experience for you, Margaret.

  7. #7
    Super Moderator rebbonk's Avatar
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    It takes two to make a marriage work, but only one to completely wreck many lives.

    It took me a few years to get back on my feet, but this time there were two of us pulling together in the same direction. The kids suffered quite badly at the time, not only did she try to stop me having contact with them, she tried poisoning their young minds against me.

    After she stopped me seeing the children (because she didn't approve of me living with someone I wasn't married to, and didn't know where I lived) I refused to play her games. (Read the games people play by Berne). Eighteen months later she tells social services I'm not fulfilling my duties as a father! A few choice words and explanations to social services and they saw things very differently and actually helped me re-establish contact with the children.

    But only this last Saturday my son was talking to me asking for advice as to what could be done with his mother. I offered a few ideas and sent him some information, but she won't change.
    Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.

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