BED and BREAKFAST TALES.

[cathidaw]

Has any one got a tale of an unusual bed and breakfast places.?
I 've been to a few odd ones. This is just one.
One place I booked in was in Guildford. I booked on line. When I arrived it was late afternoon. A really old lady came hobbling to the door to let me in. Pointing up flight of stairs she told me where the room was."Cant show you " she said. "It's my legs".
It was an enormous house, and dark, but after going into two rooms--one a store room, and one with an unmade bed and smelled of socks, I found what I thought was mine. It had 5 single beds in it, and lots of assorted furniture, all painted white. I unpacked and went down to ask if I could have some tea. Along a corridor, in the kitchen I found 2 old ladies and an elderly man, sitting listening to the racing results. I kept quiet until they all said "down the pan" and then one agreed to make me a cup of tea. It took ages ,she set a tray with a china cup and saucer, teapot and jug--nothing matching, for me to take upstairs. She was so fragile I had to take the tray off her as she slopped the milk all over the traycloth.
She asked if I wanted, breakfast.(Of course I did -it was a b and b) she also asked if I needed a bath.I said yes and she told me where it was ,and gave me a bike lamp as the 'bulb had gone'.
'I found the bathroom along a corridor-dark-.I stood and laughed -they must have thought I was daft.
The bathroom was long and narrow with just enough room for me to get by between the bath and a glass fronted bookcase. At the window end was a hospital style wash basin -out of the ark-with 2 large blackened brass taps-and no hot water.
Over the bath was a big old copper geyser-like a bomb.I didn't dare try it. I shone my lamp about and as I reached the window- I shot back out of the bathroom. The window had no curtain and there were dozens of moths going up and down outside-their big luminous eyes watching me . Moths are my one big fear.
Back in my bedroon without even a wash ,I switched on the tiny television. It was black and white and a bit snowy so I chose a bed and went to sleep. In the night I heard a lot of creaking floors and whispering inthe corridor, but I'd locked the door so didn't bother much.
In the morning I went back to the bathroom to wash and clean my teeth.
I washed my face in cold water and looked around. The old bookcase was full of books -all swollen wth damp and mildew.The light fitting was a chandelier high up and rusty, and the bath was iron stained from a dripping tap.hanging on the back of the door was a pile of old dressing gowns and
on the shelf were a few shaving mugs, still in use by the look of them.
I took a mental note of everything it was so-er--different.
Downstairs I found out from one old lady I'd gone to the wrong bedroom-the one they stored furniture they had bought from auctions and jumble sales and painted up white.
I had wondered why my bed had odd sheets and blankets on it.
Dining room!!! I was the only one there.
I had tea as before, but had to wait for toast as the elderly man had gone off on his bike to the supermarket down the road to get a loaf.
Store brand cereals. On my toast-2 slices of what we call 'nasty pap' (own brand bread) I had one baby poached egg and half grilled tomato.
The old ladies were so kind and doddery,like in faulty towers- especially when the told me it had been a family home, they had lived there for over 60 years , and now the family had gone they had decided to take in guests. They hadn't a clue, and I hadn't the heart to complain.
I paid my £45.00-ouch-and the dear old souls all doddered to the garden gate to wave me off like along lost relative.
How the put themselves on the internet I will never know.

There was another place in Wales where the cistern fell off the wall as the chain was pulled---but maybe I'll keep that for another time.

[Gladys]

How funny- you both seem to have struck the 'oddbods' B&B proprieters. How ever did they have the cheek to give you a bill and however did they pass the stringent H&S EU based standards? I haven't had such misfortune but I did find one place friends from NZ stayed in when they were here last summer. It is on Hayling Island, the epitomy of cleanliness. Shoes off at the door or they were scornfully growled at by the owner. The hallway was lined by pairs of shoes, not a sound in the house, no homely cooking smells just polish and airfreshners.They said thier room was imaculate in a sureal magazine interiors sort of inpractical way with flouncey swishes of fabric hanging from the ceiling over the bed and the curtains swathing the windows with matching bedthrow and bolsters. They were rather worried about sleeping in the bed incase they were in trouble for spoiling the look etc.and then the ensuite which was fantastically spotless, they cleaned it before they left incase they got a bill for not doing so. In all, whilst, clean, tidy and warm, it wasn't comfortable and welcoming- the opposite flip side to your 2 places but still the same in the end where they didn't feel they could relax.£55 later they left to fly home.

[cathidaw]

I'm glad I'm not the only one.
YEARS AGO WHEN MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTERa 6 months old we went camping in Wales.When we arrived the campsite had closed and it was late, so went to a farm in Llandillo to see if they would allow us in their field.By then it was pouring down. Th farmer let use a caravan which he usually let out to fishermen, in the morning it was sunny again and and woke up to hear cows licking the water off the caravan.my other 2 children didn't want to go home and the farmer said to come again .. We drove on to Fairbourne and the site was closed there too. The woman at the information office found us a b and b-- in a block of new council flats.I dont think the people had had a nice house before. They kept on about it all night, how they'd decorated and what they'd got as furniture and how much it cost. We were tired and my husband said he'd go and see if the children were ok.
He'd gon e for about an hour. I listened to this boring couple and their son who had come home from the pub,talking about his his new motorbike, and how much it had cost, for that hour, and all of them gossiping about the neighbours so I went to look for him. He'd gone t the toilet, pulled the chain, and the cistern came off the new wall and was hanging over the pan , He daren't let go so had been hoping I'd go and look for him. We tried to get it back up and hooked the cistern to a screw in the wall.It took ages we were laughing so much (It came off in my hand officer-and all that)
In the night we heard a crash and lots of running up and down.The man had gone to the loo and it had fallen down again and broken the pan. In the morning we had to use rthe toilet in the next flat. We tried to explain, but they weren't listening-too busy talking about sueing the council for damages and compensation. He had a scratch on his arm.
Later we went back to the other place and put our tent up in the barn.
I bathed my children in a big sink outside the farmyard door. . The lady brought us a bucket of hot water.She didn't want us to go so we stayed until the end of the week.







so we slept in the car-a morris minor

[Josie]

Haha all of that sounds like something out of a movie! I have never experiences anything close to any of that!

At least its something you will never forget and it provides a good story to tell hehe!

[Shizara]

LOL... I certainly enjoyed a good laugh reading the adventures above and have one of my own to add. I had found a self catering - am not a fan for Bed and Breakfast, but that's just me. Anyway, I chose a "cottage" and booked online. Upon arrival, it looked quaint and olde worlde with its cobblestone courtyard. Entering the cottage I began to put things away in the fridge etc without looking too hard at the environment. I decided to get some dinner cooking before taking the other things upstairs. Taking out the utensils they were absolutely filthy and the saucepan lids had a greasy haze on the glass lids. I thought, "Hmm, have to get those washed." I opened the oven and it is what I would describe as a 'jackhammer job'. It probably hadn't been cleaned since it was new.

After washing and scouring the utensils for cooking I managed to get dinner underway. I looked up and the white ceiling was stained with rusty marks. Hmm... Looking in the living area I noticed a white armchair which was really grubby and looked like something from Steptoe's yard. Gingerly, I began to ascend the stairs with a bag. I put my hand on the ballustrade, as you do and one of the spindles was so loose that it fell out. I hesitated but carried on. Upstairs the bathroom - directly over the area that was rusty looking - looked very 'Heath Robinson'. Moving on to the bedroom. It looked ok.... - remember that...

I left the bags and went back downstairs, sorted dinner and a little later went up to bed. The bed creaked alarmingly - and I mean alarmingly. My friend joined me and I suggested being careful sitting on the bed. I went to move and the next minute, !!*CRASH*!! the bed collapsed on the floor and I went into fits of giggles. I got up, checked to find out why the bed collapsed and found to my horror that it probably wasn't the first time. The screws were much too small for the holes and the bed had simply been just sitting in position with nothing to secure it. The next move was to take the bedding and put it on the floor. This involved more giggles.

On the day we left we put the bed back together but struggled to get the mattress round and looked at the wardrobe. This was too much, I had to sit down again to be completely overwhelmed in more giggles it was turning into an adventure reminiscent of Frank and Betty Spence on 'Some Mothers do 'ave 'em', the episode where they went back to a place for their wedding anniversary.

I wrote a rhyme about it all as it amused me so much:

The Court of a Writer?

Bouncing over the cobblestones old
A drama of laughter is about to unfold,
The key fits into the tired, worn out door
You turn the handle and walk onto the floor.
Uneven and rough; no shine to be seen
Channels and grooves; about; in between.
An armchair; so grubby; from Steptoe's I'll bet
Was it Harold's or Albert's? What a duet!
Open the oven; prepared to cook tea?
A jackhammer job; of cleaning; greets thee.
Greasy utensils and baked on grime
Cleaning first is going to take time!
Look up to the ceiling; tinged rusty I see
Hope nothing decides to drip down on me.
Ascending the stairs; they move and they creak
Hold the bannister? ; In my hand!; It's so weak!
When lo and behold to the bedroom I enter
The bed lines the wall; definitely off centre.
Prepared to get in and sleep for the night
I get in on the side that's not on the right.
Moving across to the side by the wall;
Joined by another who came in from the hall.
Cautioned; Take care as you sit on the bed;
We giggled as clearly the screws lost their thread!
T'was late in the night; the bed crashed to the floor
It left us in stitches; what an uproar!
More laughter erupted as we thought of Frank Spence
The wardrobe tickled our visual sense!
"Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em"; a comedy team
Frank and his Betty; the eye more than does gleam.
On the floor we slept for the next night and two
And when the last day arrived we knew what to do.
With care and patience stand the frame up again;
But giggles erupt; a much repeated refrain!
Push screws too small into holes too big
Place the mattress and bedding on the unstable rig.
For the last time we descended the ricketty stairs
Wondering if anyone would effect some repairs.
We drove into the sunshine; after the rain things are brighter;
And so ends the tale of the Court of a writer.

[Josie]

haha thats the best ever!

[Shizara]

Since being here I have stayed in some 'interesting' places and had some experiences I wouldn't expect.

One self catering, which was lovely in every other respect, had 'visitors' which appeared in the evening. No, not bugs, but the huge spiders that wander in looking for a mate, not just one, two, three, four... During the course of the evening I removed 6. The next morning I got up and walked down the stairs and there was another going for a walk on the wall. I removed that one and as I came back in from outside there was another scuttling around. - I still enjoyed staying there though!

Another time, also a self catering, when Alton towers prepares for the end of the year with the fireworks displays, so it would have been very early November I think, we arrived and as we were sitting down I heard buzzing. Looking up to the source I spot a wasp banging away against a high window that, of course, you cannot reach. Hoping it would come lower of its own volition instead of me pursuing it I carried on. Shortly there were multiple buzzings and looking up again the wasp had been joined by others. Before long there were incredible numbers. An hour or so later we were wasp free, but it took some work.

Another place, in Blackpool, the knob pinged off the gas oven, defied attempts to replace it and turn the gas off so had to locate the owners to sort it. I didn't realize they catered for smokers and so when I walked into the allocated flat I was nearly bowled over by the acrid smell of stale smoke. I mentioned this to the owners who reminded me that they cater for smokers and showed me another flat that was even worse. Only being there a couple of nights I decided to open the windows and just tolerate it. So from then on I ask if they cater for smokers and if they do I give the place a wide berth.

[Josie]

Haha Shizara I honestly have never experienced anything close to this! Its awful and funny in one! The spider one would have had me running away terrified even if I had to sleep in the car as a result of it all!

[Shizara]

I'm just thinking, my previous posts on this thread are self catering experiences and the thread is about bed and breakfast establishments, however, I do have an experience or two with those too!

A guest house in a seaside town, we arrived in the evening and after a bit of difficulty, found parking. So far, so good. We were shown to our room and on the way up I noticed the big gong at the bottom of the stairs which made me think of those old Rank Organisation movies where the strong looking bloke was striking the gong before the movie started. We were left to our own devices by a woman that must have trained at the same hospitality school as Sybil Fawlty from Fawlty Towers. She made it perfectly clear that breakfast was served at a set time and all were to be present for it.

During the course of the night the room next door had a very active couple on a bed with either creaky springs or creaky bed legs. - I don't think they had very much sleep. Next morning, conscious of the time that breakfast was to be served we were up and dressed in good time. Right on cue, the gong sounded and hence I understood its purpose. It certainly wasn't there as an interesting piece of artwork. We went down to breakfast and were put at a table next to the couple from the room next door who looked absolutely exhausted.

The woman from the night before was up, bright as a button and was serving breakfast with the efficiency of the army staff. She kept up some interesting but friendly chatter whilst doing so. Within a sort time of our arrival at breakfast a couple hadn't arrived so she announced, to all, the intention of sharing out the remaining breakfast along with the reminder of the time breakfast is served. With that, she went around the tables serving the remainder of the food. Of course, the couple running late came down looking for breakfast and were informed, in typical Sybil Fawlty dulcet tones that breakfast time was such and such a time and after that it wasn't available.

The whole experience was amusing.

[Shizara]

... and a short one, rather than one of my epistles...

On a work related visit to Scotland, my collegues and I were put into a very nice hotel, in fact, the room I had was bigger than my entire flat!

Next morning, at breakfast, one of the lads arrived covered in bites. His room had bed bugs and it would seem they had quite a feast during the night. It was certainly not what we expected from a hotel of that calibre.

The person concerned did bring it to the attention of the staff and hopefully they dealt with the problem before the the next guest stayed in that room.

[cathidaw]

In July On my sister's birthday we went to a well known carvery at lunch timein a large Coventryhotel.
The meal was , well, just ok, and the turkey was served from a dish of gravy, and I dont like gravy. So I asked for the meat to be drained which she did through a sieved spoon. O k it was a bit damp but I didn't want to make a fuss, unusual for me, but it was an occasion. We took our veg and sat down. The lady in charge of the dining room was very organised and over helpful asking if we were enjoying the meal many times, and straightening the cloths. She wouldn't stay away from the diners. She was like a school dinner lady and whizzed up and downthe room. When she said "I hope you are going to eat up all your dinner before you have pudding, I said, "yes miss"we burst into giggles, and played along. When we had finished, I called her over and said " Look 'all gone' - alright for pudding now?" She said seriously., " well done".We giggled our way to the pudding counter. Other people were laughing too.
We had two puds and she said "I hope you will eat that up".
afterwards we chatted with her remarking how efficient she was ('facetious but she didn't notice ) and said " Thank you,I like to look after my customers"
Not a place to go again but it's one we shall remember.

[cathidaw]

I booked a b and b in Blackpool. On arrival we were early and not allowed in 'til noon, so had a look around the town before going back. Our room was at the top back 3 floors up--we had asked for a front first floor. She was sharp and said" Well that's all I've got and if you dont want it we don't give deposits back" Dragging our bags up 3 floors I opened the door --just about.The bed was in the way so it didn't open fully. The room was so small the other side of the bed touched the far wall and the wash basin overhung the bed.
The bags were squeezed through the door and put under the wash basin, a corner cloth hanging wardrobe hung over the other corner of the bed. We did not unpack, or even look for a bathroom. There was a loo off the downstairs hallway
As it was late we stayed that night. Doors closed at 11 pm!!
In the morning in the dining room, 7-8 am that was our 'slot', we had cereal and rubber scrambled egg and tea my mum called 'winkle wee' , got our bags. Coming down the stairs the landlady confronted us as we had booked for 5 days and wanted her money.
I said no chance . she argued and fetched her poor little henpecked husband. Well, he wasn't little -a great lump of a man. Poor chap he was so embarrassed.
I said we were going to the tourist board that morning to complain, She shut up with bad grace and we left.
It took us all morning to find somewhere else -- it was conference week, but eventually someone took pity on us and gave us a bare room with just a bed and no curtains, over a cafe by the beach, and the rest of the time was so good.
I always think these times add spice to life, even if at the time we don't think it very fuuny.
I did complain to the tourist board when I got hom e and noticed they are not in the guide book any more.

[Gladys]

Well I can only say only the British would do it; that is as proprietor and then also put up with it as customer but well done Cathidaw for not doing so-no stiff upper lip there!

[Shizara]

I have seen some very dirty establishments out there that have scrubbed up well for their internet pictures, yet, there are places that have had no internet pictures or even a write up, in fact, have only been a listing with the name, address and telephone number that have been run by very hospitable and particular people where the standards, when you enter the door, speak for themselves.

[Shizara]

I had to stop over in Birmingham one night, so I called into a kiosk that was at the station and enquired about bed and breakfast establishments. They gave me a phone number, I rang them, explained my needs ie, breakfast not required or en suite and a price was given. I took a taxi ride their and was greeted by a lovely little old man. Was asked to pay before spending the night and the price given was higher than the one quoted. When I asked the reason was told, by his wife, that her husband was confused and gave the wrong price. I followed them up to the room and was shown into a room with an en suite and when I questioned that was told that there were no others and that breakfast was at such and such a time. They left.

To be fair, the guest house was beautifully clean and well maintained but generally speaking if a price is quoted for certain facilities and you get there only to be told that they were going to be different and so, in effect, an upgrade you still pay the original quoted price? - Someone might be able to correct me on that one.

[Gladys]

I believe that is right, Shizara. If you are given a price and have specified your needs to which that price is applied, then it is not your fault that an upgraded deal is the only one available, you should still have been paying the lower price. I wonder if there's a trading standard on that? Have you looked.