Has any one got a tale of an unusual bed and breakfast places.?
I 've been to a few odd ones. This is just one.
One place I booked in was in Guildford. I booked on line. When I arrived it was late afternoon. A really old lady came hobbling to the door to let me in. Pointing up flight of stairs she told me where the room was."Cant show you " she said. "It's my legs".
It was an enormous house, and dark, but after going into two rooms--one a store room, and one with an unmade bed and smelled of socks, I found what I thought was mine. It had 5 single beds in it, and lots of assorted furniture, all painted white. I unpacked and went down to ask if I could have some tea. Along a corridor, in the kitchen I found 2 old ladies and an elderly man, sitting listening to the racing results. I kept quiet until they all said "down the pan" and then one agreed to make me a cup of tea. It took ages ,she set a tray with a china cup and saucer, teapot and jug--nothing matching, for me to take upstairs. She was so fragile I had to take the tray off her as she slopped the milk all over the traycloth.
She asked if I wanted, breakfast.(Of course I did -it was a b and b) she also asked if I needed a bath.I said yes and she told me where it was ,and gave me a bike lamp as the 'bulb had gone'.
'I found the bathroom along a corridor-dark-.I stood and laughed -they must have thought I was daft.
The bathroom was long and narrow with just enough room for me to get by between the bath and a glass fronted bookcase. At the window end was a hospital style wash basin -out of the ark-with 2 large blackened brass taps-and no hot water.
Over the bath was a big old copper geyser-like a bomb.I didn't dare try it. I shone my lamp about and as I reached the window- I shot back out of the bathroom. The window had no curtain and there were dozens of moths going up and down outside-their big luminous eyes watching me . Moths are my one big fear.
Back in my bedroon without even a wash ,I switched on the tiny television. It was black and white and a bit snowy so I chose a bed and went to sleep. In the night I heard a lot of creaking floors and whispering inthe corridor, but I'd locked the door so didn't bother much.
In the morning I went back to the bathroom to wash and clean my teeth.
I washed my face in cold water and looked around. The old bookcase was full of books -all swollen wth damp and mildew.The light fitting was a chandelier high up and rusty, and the bath was iron stained from a dripping tap.hanging on the back of the door was a pile of old dressing gowns and
on the shelf were a few shaving mugs, still in use by the look of them.
I took a mental note of everything it was so-er--different.
Downstairs I found out from one old lady I'd gone to the wrong bedroom-the one they stored furniture they had bought from auctions and jumble sales and painted up white.
I had wondered why my bed had odd sheets and blankets on it.
Dining room!!! I was the only one there.
I had tea as before, but had to wait for toast as the elderly man had gone off on his bike to the supermarket down the road to get a loaf.
Store brand cereals. On my toast-2 slices of what we call 'nasty pap' (own brand bread) I had one baby poached egg and half grilled tomato.
The old ladies were so kind and doddery,like in faulty towers- especially when the told me it had been a family home, they had lived there for over 60 years , and now the family had gone they had decided to take in guests. They hadn't a clue, and I hadn't the heart to complain.
I paid my £45.00-ouch-and the dear old souls all doddered to the garden gate to wave me off like along lost relative.
How the put themselves on the internet I will never know.

There was another place in Wales where the cistern fell off the wall as the chain was pulled---but maybe I'll keep that for another time.