A joke

[Reggie]

Two fish walk into a bar, one fish says to the other, "Christ I'm thirsty!"





Sorry.

[M4gg1c]

Jack the Lad, the boy racer, thought he'd cracked it with the ladies; he bought himself a "pick-up" truck

[Shizara]

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman says "That's a nice newt. What's his name?" The man says "Tiny". The barman says "Why do you call him Tiny?". "Because", he replies, "he's my newt."

[Phoenix]

GIRL'S DIARY
Sunday 11th May 2003.

Saw John in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so I thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but followed.

I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply.

He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found someone else.

I cried myself to sleep.

BOY'S DIARY
Sunday 11th May 2003.

West Ham were relegated today. Gutted. Got a **** though.

[cathidaw]

Read about the 90 year old who asked her new doctor for a repeat prescription ?
. He noticed she'd been prescribed the pill for the last few years and asked her why. She said it made her sleep .
"They wont make any difference to your sleep"he said.
"Oh yes it will" she replied, " I have a granddaughter who goes out at nights , so every morning I crush one tablet into her orange juice, then I can sleep at night"

[akingston00]

a man walked into a bar.......OUCH










sorry i need mental

[cathidaw]

A man went to the doctor

. Man to Doctor...."When I get up in the morning I feel really dizzy for half an hour and then I'm o.k. What shall I do Doc?"

Doctor to man....."I should try getting up half an hour later if I were you"

[jimmy]

I have just had a call from a Charity, asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people all throughout the world.



I told them to F- off!!


Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!

[jimmy]

my next door neighbour has wore a toupee for five yrs and after a week his wife washes it and puts it on the line to dry,anyway yesterday somebody pinched it off the line so he couldnt go out.

police are combing the area

[Mari]

The Irish Banker's Accounting Committee has announced some new accounting Acronyms:

EBITDA = Earnings Before I Tricked The Dumb Auditor
EBIT = Earnings Before Irregularities and Tampering
CEO = Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO = Corporate Fraud Officer
NAV = Normal Andersen Valuation
EPS = Eventual Prison Sentence

[Lex]

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 789.

[rebbonk]

Anyone who says marriage is an equal partnership is talking utter rubbish.

I gave up my mates, my motorbike, drinking, drugs, gambling...

All she gave up was sex.

[Margaret]

Ohh, err.......sorry.

[rebbonk]

While at dinner party, a man breaks wind.

Another man says “How dare you fart in front of my wife”.

First man says “Sorry, I didn’t realise it was her turn”.

[Margaret]

While at dinner party, a man breaks wind.

Another man says “How dare you fart in front of my wife”.

First man says “Sorry, I didn’t realise it was her turn”.

That's wicked!

[Margaret]