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Thread: Silly jokes to brighten your day.

  1. #1
    Pillar of the Community margaret's Avatar
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    Default Silly jokes to brighten your day.

    .--------------------->

    Stay at home days.



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    Last edited by margaret; 24-03-2020 at 07:15 AM.
    I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.

    - Lord Byron.

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    Super Moderator rebbonk's Avatar
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    When I was baptised, the vicar wore a fake moustache...

    It was a blessing in disguise!
    Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.

  3. #3
    Pillar of the Community margaret's Avatar
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    Patient: Doctor, my head's turning into a strawberry.

    Doctor: Here's some cream to put on it.


    I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.

    - Lord Byron.

  4. #4
    Pillar of the Community margaret's Avatar
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    Why did J. S. Bach have so many children?

    He had no stops on his organ.

    I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.

    - Lord Byron.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator rebbonk's Avatar
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    I've just started a book about anti-gravity...


    I can't put it down!
    Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.

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    Super Moderator Shizara's Avatar
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    What is blue and goes ... Ding dong!

    The Avon lady in the North Pole.
    Cool

  7. #7
    Super Moderator rebbonk's Avatar
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    "Dad, can you put my shoes on?"

    "No, I don't think they'll fit me."
    Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.

  8. #8
    Super Moderator Shizara's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

    They were Prime mates.
    Cool

  9. #9
    Super Moderator rebbonk's Avatar
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    I hope nothing goes wrong with government plans because I'm banking on pubs re-opening on July 4th.

    Inn dependence day.
    Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.

  10. #10
    Super Moderator Shizara's Avatar
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    Swimming pools will reopen on the 4th of July....

    Due to continuing social distancing rules there will be no water in lanes 1, 3 and 5.
    Cool

  11. #11
    Super Moderator rebbonk's Avatar
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    I've been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately.

    The most common one seems to be: "You said you'd be home from the pub three bl**dy hours ago!"
    Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.

  12. #12
    Super Moderator Shizara's Avatar
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    My car broke down so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine.

    He said “Hello Sir, you are a handsome man and very nicely dressed too".

    I could see the problem...



    Bat flattery.
    Cool

  13. #13
    Super Moderator rebbonk's Avatar
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    I've got summer teeth...

    Summer there, summer missing!
    Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.

  14. #14
    Pillar of the Community margaret's Avatar
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    Wink

    Frazer:
    Captain Mainwaring. Did, did ye ever hear the story of the old, empty barn?

    Mainwaring:
    No.

    Frazer:
    Would you like to hear the story of the old, empty barn?

    Mainwaring:
    Um. Yes, yes, ehh yes, it might put us in a good mood before we go to sleep. Pay attention everybody. Private Frazer is going to tell us the story of the old empty barn. Carry on Frazer.

    Frazer:
    Right. The story of the old, empty barn. Well. There was nothing in it.



    I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.

    - Lord Byron.

  15. #15
    Super Moderator rebbonk's Avatar
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    If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
    Of course it'll fit, you just need a bigger hammer.

  16. #16
    Pillar of the Community margaret's Avatar
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    I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.

    - Lord Byron.

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