Weave a tale of intrigue...

[Shizara]

Oh weavers of words, weave a tale if you please
Of moonlit waters and dark silhouette brigs.
Pirates and rum and saving our skins
This tale of piracy, on the high seas begins!!

Floating in the moonlit bay, the pirate ship is moored,
The pirates; nowhere to be seen; they have indeed thus scored.
You row the boat up to the waters edge, you shiver; anticipate
And wonder if your venture here, might become your very fate.......

The eerie still of this dark night, was broken by the breeze
That whispered it's gruesome secrets, to the ancient coastal trees.
Down on the shadowy foreshore, the waves, they danced and played;
Surrounded by things that time immemorial, certainly has decayed.

But lo; and from a distant cave; a lofty corner thus
A pirate voice is surely heard; given away by the filthy cus.
"Arrr, get your thie'in' hands off o' this; you miserable, cursed scum!"
"This is all mine I'll have you know; this lo'ely bottle o' rum!"

[chillitt]

now the pirates fruity rantings bought more brigands to the shore
shadows in the moon light, now two, now three, now four!
the odds keep on increasing as the rabble here assemble
you're frozen in the shadows but your knees they start to tremble!

they've spotted you, you must take flight, before they run you through
'i'll see to you another time' you shout to cap'n blue
as you leap from mossy rock to moonlit pool you seem to float
and like douglas fairbanks jnr you are soon back at your boat

the pirates try to follow, but slip on seaweed slime
they topple into puddles drunken time after drunken time
as you row out to their frigate, they are groaning on the sand
now you're cutting lose the anchor, on The Flying Ampersand

[Shizara]

Four sheets to the wind, the pirates squint through bleary eyes
The Flying Ampersand unfurls it's sails towards the skies.
"We'll come after you o scur'y dogs!"; Slur the words of Cap'n Blue
But you laugh and raise the pirate's flag; this is certainly your due!

With skull and crossbones flying you sail into the night
And wonder how you managed, to put these men to fright.
But then you rightly reason, they caused their own demise
Rumfilled drunken pirates, pass out and don't arise!

As night gives birth to day, you think of Cap'n Blue
You think too of the treasure and the drunken pirate crew.
Like Big Ben down in London your mind it ticketh over
And turn the pirate ship around and head back, away from Dover.

[chillitt]

but before you can return and rob the evil cap'n blue
you'll need to search the spanish main, got find the finest crew.
so trim the sail and hoist the gibet and set the ship to westward
cos you need a mate, a cook, some lookouts and a steward.

so you sail into the harbour of georgetown single handed
and tie up on the quayside where Blackbeard and Sparrow landed
here you'll find stout seafairing folk who'll fight both tooth and nail
with such bloodthirsty mercenaries how can yo ever fail?

so heres the crew of likely lads who'll need no introduction
they're masters of knife fighting, rigging and seduction
these names well known throughout the years and never once forgotten
i'll introduce the boys to you, they're evil men, quite rotten.....

[chillitt]

as an aside, you lot do realise this is a test airing of the script for pirates of the caribean III... or is it lost series 4.. i forget..

[Shizara]

Henry Morgan, William Kidd, Bartholomew Roberts to name a few
Samuel Bellamy, Will Turner and Thomas Jones all make a wicked crew.
They come highly recommended, for their bloodthirsty fighting skills
But I'll have to watch the scurvy lot; I see a battle of wills.

The crew put down the anchor and lower the boat, to row ashore
One trips up another and slams his nose up to the fore
"Arrr, watch out what you're doin'. I'll have your hide, oh yes, me will"
They snarl and scowl and somehow manage, to avoid a nasty spill.

Arriving on the beach, they set out to find, our Cap'N Blue
Encountering a straying pirate, they didn't stop for a "how d'ya do".
In the stream that is nearby, a hungry crocodile is to be found
They tied the pirate up; left him on the rugged, stoney ground.

[chillitt]

the trussed up pirate struggled, against those earthly bonds
as the sound of little feet and great long tail rippled cross the ponds
he knew his fate was closing in and he was out of luck
where his ears deceiving him? could he hear a faint Tick-Tock?


as the pirate allstars arr-harr'd across the tidal sands
the moonlight breifly lit up an Oceanic tailplane and a burnt out turbofan
'lummy' said a brigand, 'oi've never seen the loike!'
then a humungous bright blue polar bear went past, juggling, on a bike.

now the party's closing in on blue boys secret hide away
and the dappled blue of nighttime gives way to mornings grey
you survey the situation, and realise with dread
that when this days work is done, you'll most likely be quite dead

[Shizara]

A bedraggled, ragged rascal was behind a rugged rock
He had heard the sound of ticking from from the great, long tailed croc.
His heart it beat like many feet in frenzied fast retreat
As the thought had dawned upon him, the croc had thought of him as meat!

The bedraggled, ragged rascal was old Cap'N Blue's first mate
He had fallen short from grace he did, he stole from old Blue's plate.
But Cap'N Blue had other things, upon his shady mind
To watch his back and watch his jewels, the party's close behind!

Now the crew from the Ampersand had spread out near and far
They had brought on shore some ammunition; pickles in a jar.
They had plotted and had schemed, with skills they didn't know they had
Eating pickles they marched cussing; the wind was very bad.

Having reached their destination, they aimed their rears towards their prey
"Arrr, your number's up you scummy dogs your time has come today"
And on the count of three the crew then let their wind go free.
Ignited by a torch of fire, a branch from a nearby tree.

A sound went forth across the beach, a mighty cannon blast
But do you think the pirates now had finally breathed their last?
From the smoke that billowed from their cave; came Cap'N Blue and co
Cursing loud and muttering as towards the croc they go.

[chillitt]

blues' crew of scurvy dogs were smouldering but keen,
to take revenge for this eggy green smoke screen
they slashed at smoke at stabbed at it while sputtering and choking
but your men picked them off one by one - its bad for you, is smoking!

you see the time has come, to strike them at their heart
two brave young deckhands surround blue, and then fart
he falls to the ground his senses are shot, a white cloth he holds in his hand
he's surrendered, the dog, you call up your men 'forward the Ampersand!'

now the badguys are buried, right up to their necks
the treasure stacked up on your decks
all that remains is to deal with your nemesis, and then sail away
and to spend your life telling tall tales of this day

but where has he gone? the captains got free!
and he's swimming out to the boat!
he's welcomed aboard against all the odds by your mutinous band
the treasure,andthe crew of turncoats, sail off on the Ampersand!

[Shizara]

This bloodthirsty band of pirates now sail the ocean blue
Celebrating their turn of fortune; with rum the favourite brew.
They sprawl about the decks relating tales of past events
And fail to notice the change in the weather; the danger it represents.

From high above the decks; in a nest perched way up high
A shout rings out from the lookout; "Aye, thar is a storm out yonder, aye!!!"
The captain wakes from his slumber and slurs a command to the crew
"Arrr, gerrrrrrup you lot, batten the 'atches - hic - thar'ssss nothin Me can do."

This drunken band of pirates; attempt to scramble to their feet
Deary me, what a sorry sight; their energy becomes deplete.
The pirate up in the crow's nest, as worried as he surely is
Sees a chance, an opportunity, where the treasure might be his.

Sliding down the mast; nearly blown to sea by the wind
Waves crash over the decks; his hands and knees are skinned.
Then a mighty crash, the boom now falls; he rolls across a body well dead
He looks to the sky, sees a funnel coming forth and it fills him now with dread.